About

Pirates originated on the planet known as “Planet 333”  located at the other end of the galaxy.  The planet is a wonderful place with oceans of beer that are full of lusty mermaid wenches at your beck and call. 

They roamed the universe pillaging, drinking and saying “Arrrgggh!” quite a lot. The reason for their arrival on Earth is thought to be either to do with the prolific number of beaches for burying treasure or that they were just too drunk to get home. Andy is a direct descendant of these original pirates.

The Sacred Pirate Texts are called “O proclaimation do pirata” which is Portuguese for “the proclamation of the pirate” (i.e.: Andy). Why a Portuguese title for an English speaking organisation's most important writings you may ask... well Andy thinks they do great things with chicken... Mmmm spicy chilli chicken...

These texts have been collated by Andy himself over many years of study to provide an easily understandable  (because most people are idiots... except you of course..) interpretation of early pirate teachings incorporating Andy's own ideological thoughts (such as: Why is there not more free grog on this fricken planet?).

Most people have the potential to be a pirate but just don't yet realise how cool being a pirate really is.

Everybody has measurable Piratean level that can be increased by involved study of Pirateology Doctrine and buying Andy more beer.

The Church co-exists with and tolerates all religions regardless of their beliefs (except for that one with an multi-armed elephant as a god.... that's just too crazy even for Andy). This is not due to any real feeling of tolerance by Andy but more a sense of laziness and indifference.

Pirateology wedding ceremonies have considerable meaning to all that attend. It means considerable free food and grog. As part of pirateology Andy is invited to all weddings (in fact any Pirateology celebration) to oversee and generally over drink the event. In Pirateology tradition the groom is referred to as “Captain of the House” and the bride as “The Lusty Wench”. The bride is asked if she accepts the “Captains” fortune and alcohol dependency at it's prime and ebb. The groom's vows include this... “now, Captain... lusty wenches need low cut dresses, cheap champaign and revelry, a pan, a comb and perhaps a cat for cage fighting. All caprice, if you will, but still they they need them, so will you provide them?”

Despite the presence of parrots in most traditional earth pirate tales they do not play any part in the modern Church of Pirateology as Andy believes that parrots are a bit gay... not quite as gay as unicorns... but still... pretty gay.

 More information will made available to you as you progress through the levels of Pirateology.

DISCLAIMER

Do not join The Church of Pirateology just to get a free parrot.

We DO NOT have parrots!